Excitement has been taking over me these past 2/3 months!
Now that I'm looking back as there are only two weeks of summer left, I'm realizing all of the great times I've had.

Shauny Wany Weekend was probably the most fun I had in the past year, until recently.  Kim and Amanda made sure that I had a great weekend after a stressful last week of school and the end of a crappy relationship.  They kept me busy that whole week actually..  I remember the last day of school we all went to Kim's and baked a cake, then we went to Taco Bell and Burger King, then the mall.  I later departed from them to go to a show but then the next day we went to see Up at like midnight haha.  Then on Saturday I remember I was feeling pretty miserable while fighting with someone but then after my parents left Kim and Amanda randomly showed up at my house, completely surprising me, so I got off the phone and went to Kim's.  They surprised me once again with a blue heart-shaped cake!!  I was so happy and we had so much fun, all of my troubles went away.

Disney was also amazing!  I hadn't been on a good vaction in a long time.. It seems like every time I went out of town something bad would happen back home.. But this time I was worry-free and actually happy to get away.  I had so much fun in all of the Disney parks and at the dance competitions.  The East African Safari was the most memorable part other than me getting picked to embarrass myself in front of about 50 people in the middle of the street for a show.  I hated Animal Kingdom at first but then once I got to the animal parts I was so happy.  At first I hated it because I saw animals in cages and it was so depressing.. I later learned that that was the veterinarian area lol.. But then once we went into the real zoo the animals had so much room, especially in the African Safari lol!

Bonfire with the girls and Ryan lol!  That was actually a lot of fun because we all made S'mores and went swimming.  We were all seriously crazy that night hahaha (:.  I lovee Em Em, Amanda, and Kimmmaayyy!

Strikeouts Photoshoot!  It was officially my first time doing promos for a band.  They were a fun group and I've been talking to a few of them since then.  We found a burnt down house and pretty much explored it lol.  Then we went to the mall and that's around when we got the most work done.  Christina and I spent all day with them and we have so many videos full of hilarious memories from that day.

Going to Orlando for a BPYL show was also a lot of fun.  I was asked to go completely last minute haha so Christina and I picked up Ari and Leor, we took care of Victor's cats, got some Burger King, and then we were on our way for a 12 hour trip!  The venue was siccckkkk!!!  It had graffiti everywhere, it was seriously the coolest building I have ever seen.  When we got there Leor and Ari split up with us and I thought it would be good to give Christina and Victor some time alone since they hadn't seen each other in two weeks.  So.. I spent the whole night with Vince pretty much, we caught up and talked for a long time.  Then we left and got Taco Bell at like 3 or 4 in the morning, I felt so gross hahaa.

Transformers Premiere was also a really fun night!!!  I went to Amanda's and met up with her, Alex, Kim, and Nick. We all watched the first Transformers movie and got pretty excited.  Then we got to the theatre
30 minutes early and I took a thousand pictures with the girls.  The movie was soooo intense, my heart was still beating rapidly 10 minutes after the movie ended.  Then we were walking in a really dark hallway in the theatre and we all found 3D glasses hahaha and I 
put them on and fell in the middle of the hall, laughing hysterically.  I was sooo hyper.  Then in the car ride home we all jammed out singing to "Don't Stop Believing," like usual.  We got back at Amanda's at like 3 or 4 in the morning and we all slept in the living room.


Spending a day with mostly Kimmay!  She picked me up and took me to the mall to pick up some free hair dye!  We saw this kid, Michael, that I know and talked to him for a bit.  Then we munched on Jolly Ranchers and arrived at Amanda's.  We went to Chipotle with like 10 people and then we went to Mullins Park to hang out on the football field, skateboard, I was doing handstands over Kim hahahaha, etc.  Then we were on a wild goose chase to find some kids house lol. Kim and I later chilled on the cars while everyone was playing Man Hunt.  PoPo Patrol!  Hahaha!  We then got hungry and went to Burger King, which was closed, so then we went to the 24 Hour McDonalds and fattened up!!


Reuniting for a pool day with the girls!  I hadn't seen Kim or Amanda in like a month or two.. Then we all decided to go swimming one day and had so much fun.  Amanda picked me up and when we arrived at Kim's she wasn't home.. So we went inside anyways and raided Kim's computer to steal a bunch of old pictures haha.  Then we all ate hamburgers, or a veggieburger in my case!  Then we all went in the pool and goofed off for a few hours until Kim had to babysit and stuff.  We all got on each other's shoulders, me on the top lol, and got a pretty cute picture, especially cute because of Kim's facial expression lol!




I will definitely be adding more later!

The photoshoot of The Strikeouts was a success!  It was so much fun and they are all really cool :).  We found a burnt down house and went inside.. It was crazy!!!

Yesterday I chilled with Amanda and Kim for the first time since like a month ago.. They seriously are my two best friends.  I have so much fun when I'm with them and they never judge me.. Which is awesome because I'm so different from them.  All we ever do is have fun and I'm really happy that I finally found two girls that just don't give a care and will go crazy with me!  They don't worry about guys or any drama.. And they were there for me so much this summer, throughout all the crap I was going through..  They made me a cake and made sure I was constantly busy when everything was screwing up in my life.  I love them!

    I had a pretty shitty night... But then I was just thinking... Thinking about everything, my whole life, and all the shit I have been through..  I never realized how much has been thrown at me until my dad told me how proud he was of me at the dinner table tonight.  He told me he loves me and that I'm a great person to be around..  That I'm really smart and I know how to handle things for myself..  That I learn from other people's mistakes and that I'm growing up to be a really great person..    It got me thinking.. The past 4 years of my life could have been total hell.  My sister's hospitalizations in the summer after 7th grade had a huge affect on me..  There were so many moments then where I didn't even want life..  I was so alone, so helpless, so confused.  That hurt me more than anything I have ever felt in my life..  My relationship with my sister really started when I was in 7th grade..  Then the thought of losing her a few months later...  That killed me.  I gave up everything in order to put all of my attention towards her..  I had such a hectic life between school and the hospital..  I never ate, never slept, never socialized..  All I ever thought about was how much I loved my sister and how much I wished it were me in that hospital bed instead.  I felt the pain of that for so long.. I never talked about it until this year..  It tore me apart.
    Then I had Elliott...  I loved him so much but we brought out the worst in each other.  He grew up into someone I couldn't spend anymore time on, someone that I couldn't love anymore..  I started to go to therapy to build my self esteem and to accept that he just wasn't deserving of the love I had to give..  Leaving him was hard, one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I mean it when I say that I truly was in love with Elliott..  But that Elliott is gone now.  Him being unfaithful and unemotional broke me down..  But throughout that experience I learned that I can only rely on myself.  I picked myself back up and got my life back together on my own..  I left him and finding all of that strength within myself makes me so unbelievably proud.  I went from the bottom of complete depression to where I am today.. And I did it alone.  That was a huge step.
    I also had Jessi's death...  Sometimes I still deny it..  Accepting her gone still isn't an easy thing for me to do.  I think about her everyday..  I think about her in every decision I make..  I think about her every time I'm down.  The week she died was the worst week of my life..  I had shit with Elliott being unfaithful on top of my friend dying in a car crash..  I didn't cope with the pain.. I pushed it all aside and said "eff it."  It hurt me pretty bad a few weeks later.. I still deal with it today.  I miss her so much..  I will never stop missing her.  But I know she would want me to be happy.. And that I will do for her.

I've had many things happen in my childhood but I'd rather not bring them up..  I've had hand fulls of guys screw me over and plenty of problems other than these..  But thinking it all through makes me realize that I am so strong..  I've dealt with so much shit and I still manage to keep my head held high today.  I'm still generally a happy person, even though I have my moments, and I have brought myself from the lowest of low to the top of the mountain, lol.  I am so proud.

    I'm having trouble finding clothes lately.. I've lost about 10 pounds in the past few months and now I'm having trouble fitting into things because I no longer have a size hahaha.  3's are too small and 5's are too big.. So I tried European styles and 27s are way too tight but 28's are HUGE.  I just can't win!  I went to Forever 21 today and tried on a dress and I took a small off the rack.. It was so big on me.  I also went there a month ago and tried on a size Medium and it was literally falling off my body.  Mediums are usually big on me.. But they never literally fall off.  Of course the rest of America is getting bigger so clothing is getting bigger.. I bought a Paramore shirt at their concert and I had to get an Extra Small.. And it was still like a Medium.  It's getting so freaking annoying.  I can never find anything that fits.  Why can't sizes be standardized again?  Also, I went online before going to the mall so I could get an idea of what the stores had.  I found so many cute things on the Forever 21 website but they were either super ugly in person or I couldn't find it.  The store was so messy it was ridiculous but I guess the fact that this is the only thing I have to complain about on livejournal is a good thing haha.. I used to come on here and complain about everything.  Soooo I ended up not getting anything I originally planned on getting and I got some cute pearl bracelets and headband and a few $5 shirts that are really plain but cute and comfortable :D.  I still have $60 though so I'm going to try and get some more jeans and other stuff.

Hahahah uuuggghhh, if I could tell everyone exactly what I thought about them.. It'd be a pretty hilarious moment in history for me.  Maybe not for them.. :D.

People are so stupid.. I'm not sure if they realize the mistakes they're making.. Or if they're overlooking them, expecting the best anyways.  Sometimes hope isn't the right way to take things.. But some people never learn..  And it has come to the point where I've seen this happen so much that I can't help but laugh because I see people destroying their own lives, then they tell me how to live..  And my life is just fine.


:D

I won't let you knock me down.

I freaking love my life.

Disney+WATU last night=Amazing

I freaking love this summer.. I'm constantly busy and I'm having so much fun.


I love my friends <3.
This is the happiest I've been in the longest time and the fact that I'm making myself happy makes it a million times better.

:D

Phylums literally make me laugh my bum off.

^^ Not even kidding x)

People have become pretty lame haha.



Very active summer, one of the bests!

"i've made mistakes in my life
i've let people take advantage of me,
&& i've accepted way less than i deserve
But, i've learned from my bad choices and
even though there are some things i can never
get back and people who will never be sorry
i'll know better next time and
i wont settle for anything less than i deserve"

I don't want to be like everyone else I know.


    At first I regretted my decision of leaving him but I couldn't be happier about it now.  Mr. Montalto was right..  I already defined myself, I don't need anyone to help me define who I am.  I'm an individual and I put myself out that way.  I am different -- I am me.  This summer has been great and I've been the happiest I've been in the past fifteen months.  Tomorrow would have been our fifteen month anniversary and I'm happy to say that I am going to be spending it without him -- but I will not be alone.

    I know you still check up on me, Elliott, and when you read this.. Realize that all of those insecurities of mine that you had to deal with were caused by you.  I'm back to who I am.  I cried and cried to you about how I lost myself and wanted my optimism and independence back..  Well I got it the day I left you.  I'm beautiful, fun, happy, and stronger than I ever thought possible..  And I don't need a man, especially you, to define who I am.

I'll love myself before anyone else.

Soooo... BEST WEEKEND EVER!!!!!!!!!

Friday: BON FIREEE!!!!!!  I burned Elliott's things and it was actually a lot of fun.  We then made S'mores and went swimming :).  Kim, Amanda, Emily, and Ryan were all there :).  So so so so SO much fun!  I almost died.

Today: I went to the mall with Katie and we were going to walk to this hidden park to do a photoshoot BUT once we got there we realized that they took out all of the swingsets and everything :( sooooo that sucked.  Then we went out to eat thennnn to Katie's house where we watched movies and made cookies :).  Then after I went to TJ Max with my mom and randomly Amanda and Kim decided they wanted me to come over so my mom said yes hahaha and I chilled with them and Johnny (biggest run-on sentence ever).  Then we went to Kim's for a bit then Amanda dropped me off :).

Tomorrow: I'm waking up early to go to Sunny Isles with Kim, Amanda, and a million other people!!!  There's a boat race so we're chilling at the beach aaaaall dayy!  I'm more than excited :).  Then at night I'm hanging out with Shay, Camila, and THE OTHER AMANDA CAME DOWN TO VISIT!!!! YAY!!!!!!  :DDD

I FREAKING LOVE THIS WEEKEND.

:))) I'm also bleachig my hair soon and getting it cut again :)
(my hair stylist is a cutie)

     I've been having nightmares.. One after another, all about the same thing.  I hate them but when I wake up I feel a million times stronger.  I had three consecutively last night and I thank myself for having these "dreams" because I woke up with my strings unattached.



I've never been a big believe in God.. But lately there has been signs left and right.
I'm kind of freaked out.

Guys that compliment my feet freak me out.. Hahaha.
Awkwaaaaaaard!!!
;D

Part 1
We are not your mothers!
You have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
Yet you come to us wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time
Trying to suck a lost sense of self dry
We have become much to accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows
Have become much to accustomed to waiting for our empty beds to be weighed down with the body’s of men, heavy with the scent and the hands of other women and we simply wanting to be loved and to love ourselves unconditionally
Simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not.
Play Hester Prynne
Place scarlet letters on our chest
Become adulteresses, cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
Willing to settle for less
Willing to act like a little less then a goddess
Willing to sleep with the enemy
Men, too scared to stop acting like boys, thinking we can love away their scars
So we take the lashes of their insecurities they pour on us
And lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls that we lose by the minute.

Part 2
You said you had a photographic memory.
But apparently you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself and the ones you claim you love
The truth cannot be hidden
What’s clouded in darkness will always come to light my love.
You should have known that, claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
I guess shit happens.
I just wish it wasn’t me.
And I guess it’s so much better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all
I know that’s some easy shit to say but I’m still gonna try to live by it
I’m still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it
I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in.
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shiny, full of the knowledge
I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove this scarlet letter from my chest
And take the hand of the little girl I used to be and say I’m sorry to her
I’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
And I will wait for a man to come along that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

-Mayda Del Valle